March 15, 3pm...alone in my room...staring at my phone...thinking of him and waiting for his text....
It's been six months or so when N pmed me and congratulate me when I leveled up in an online game we're both playing.... That was the time na nag usap uli kami after our break up....I didn't know na it was him pala coz he's using a new char so I just replied "ty" 'coz I taught it was just a stranger who just want to congratulate me ... Then he replied and said na it was him nga.... I was surprised by that act 'coz i know I've seriously hurt him with our break up....I was with my boyfriend D that time so we just had a small talk... and after that day we constantly chat when he is online and sometimes we text each other....
One day, me and my boyfriend D broke up... I was so depressed that time and I need someone to talk to.... I texted N, and asked him what he doesn't like about me when we're still together.... he said, he doesn't like it when I ignore him every time i was upset... he said pa nga na "naiinis ako sa sarili ko sa kakaisip kung anu nagawa ko".... Unfortunately, that's also the reason why me and D broke up... I ignore and avoid him for a week without telling him what's wrong.... But that was me, I prefer to shut up every time I'm upset or not in the mood... I believe kc na it's better tumahimik na lang kesa may masabi na mali at baka pag sisihan ko pa especially when I'm mad... Less talk less mistake! And besides, aq rin naman una namamansin after maging ok na ko.... But the problem with D was, sumobra ata ako pero nadagdagan din kc mga ginawa nyang mali eh pero di nya maisip un.... so tumagal un pag ignore ko sa kanya and sad to say he found another girl and that's another story need not to tackle...lols! After hearing the side of my ex's and friends about my attitude, i try to change it....
Days passed, N and I became close again.... we always text each other.... there are times na when we text as if it's like when we're still together.... and I admit, I'm falling in love with him again but I didn't know if the feeling is mutual 'coz I don't understand him... he's being sweet and caring the past few days.... then he confess pa nga na nag selos sya nung may nag shout ng "i love you" para sa akin dun sa online game na we used to play.... I don't know if I'm just assuming or what....then one time, when we we're chatting, I asked him "pero mahal mo?" then he said, "nasa puso parin kita".... demn! what does he mean? But, what's really confusing was, every time na bibiruin ko sya about sa ganung topic, he always say na he's afraid to fall in love again....grabe gulo nya! bakit di na lang nya sabihin anu talaga nararamdaman nya ....hindi ung nag papaasa sya! I admit I've hurt him so much in the past kaya siguro natatakot na sya magmahal uli....but can't he give me another chance....can't we start all over again? And besides di lang naman sya ung nasaktan noon, I was hurt too....
I love you....pero nakakapagod ng mag hintay.... nakakapagod ng umasa sa wala.... I've been hoping and praying na we can had our second chance but I guess you we're scared enough to fight for what you really feels...'coz if you really care for me, you'll make an effort to make things work out instead of leaving me unhappy and confused...It's hard to wait around for someone like you who's afraid to try to meet me half way.... Sometimes I wish I never talked to you again....sana di na lang tayo naging close uli ...sana di na lang uli ako na fall... sana....sana! 'Coz you can't imagine the pain I am going through right now...If only I could turn back time but there are facts in our lives that we can never change...
So I guess, it's time to let go of the feelings I had for you...Despite everything that I have felt for you, I find it best to end it....I need some time to find the real me and experience what it's like to live independently...I am really sorry for the pain I've caused you in our break up before..You really are a special person, and i wish you all the happiness in your future, and If the time comes and you're ready to fall in love again, I really hope you find a girl that deserves someone special like you.. Thank you for all the memories...
WE'RE BETTER OFF THIS WAY!! GOODBYE!! </3
